Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize