Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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