1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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