we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
