I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
