You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
