Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize