I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
