She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
