hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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