She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
