obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Pants are for mortals
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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