If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
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