Is it normal to miss your booty call?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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