Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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