awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Randomize
