whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
