So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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