I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
