Your tits are I can't wait for
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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