cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
