Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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