i just sent this text using only my big toe
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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