Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
It's rum buckets o'clock
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
