I haven't been this sober since birth.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
