found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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