yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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