If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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