Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
