I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i came on her dog
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
