you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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