can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
It's rum buckets o'clock
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
