Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
