I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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