Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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