1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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