after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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