remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
