but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
