i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
