Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
