Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
love makes seman taste better
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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