Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
