We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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