...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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