He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
