i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
