You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
