I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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