Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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