I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
