i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
