i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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