all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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