All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
did i walk over a car last night?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
