At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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