It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
