What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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