Your tits are I can't wait for
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
