Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Be still, my beating vagina.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I am available for nakedness
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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