And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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