He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
