tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
