Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
