IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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