Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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