sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Green mimosas i think yes
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize