forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
