If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
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my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
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For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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