ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
