the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
